Summary of Mary's Funeral

March 12, 2015 – Thursday

Dear Cado,

After the last few days, I have so many thoughts and feeling going on with me.  I’d like to start this letter revisiting your question you posed to Mom yesterday – the question: should I get rid of the things Mary sent me.  I’ve thought more about that, and something you could consider is this:

          
  Keep one thing that represents the past, which represents the sunshine that Mary was in your life.

             
The second thing could be something that represents the present and future, something that represents being and becoming the missionary that Mary knows you are capable of being and becoming.

Another thought I had, and this is related to Mom telling me that tomorrow you are planning to pick as you final day of focusing on the loss of Mary, I’m inviting you to consider writing an email to Mary’s parents, and just telling them what is in your heart.  I think that would be good and helpful for you to do, and I think they would really like it as well.  I’m not telling you to do this, only inviting you if it feels right to you.

Cado, the viewing last night and the funeral today, were some of the most edifying experiences I have had.  I truly do want to be a better person.  I am so, so impressed with the Nelson family.  They are inspiring to me, and exemplify Christ’s second commandment, to love your fellow man.

I can tell you that the Nelson family is at peace with the state of Mary’s spirit.  They believe, as well as I, and as well as your mission president, that Mary’s actions will not damn her.  Rather, her life will be judged in the whole context, and with the challenges she had, combined with the power of the sealing ordinances, Mary and the Nelson’s will have exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom, in the presence of Mary’s Heavenly parents, and her elder brother Jesus Christ.  I really believe that to be true Cado, so I hope you can be at peace with this as well.

I love her parents.  They spoke last at the funeral.  I have never seen this before at a church meeting or funeral, the parents got up together and simply spoke from their heart.  They had a few points to make, but it was largely unrehearsed.  Norman the dad stated that the pain he felt for the first couple days, was so intense that he wondered if he could feel again.  He said his sons gave him a priesthood blessing, and slowly other emotions are also being felt.  They had about 20-25 missionaries sing the second hymn of “I am a child of God”, in Chinese, and you could see the love these missionaries had for their former mission president.  Mary’s Mom, also Mary glowed with sweetness and compassion.

Mary (the Mom) shared this story.  They were at General Conference and Mary was about 5 or so, and in between sessions they were walking by the reflecting pool.  Little Mary asked her Mom if she could dip her foot in the water.  Her Mom felt impressed to let her, and she said as soon as Mary put her foot in the water, she started to dance and to roll on the grass, so free and happy and innocent!  I can picture little Mary doing that.

Going back to the hymn, Mary’s family sang the first verse, the missionaries the second, and the congregation the third.  When the missionaries sang, you could feel the love they had for Brother and Sister Nelson, and I thought at the time, how much love you have for your mission president.  I will be forever thankful to him, for the guidance, comfort, and priesthood blessing he gave you!

The family members shared insight that helps us understand Mary.  All I ever saw with Mary was sunshine and rainbows.  You may know this, but Mary had her challenges like all of us, but hers were deep.  Her dad said that little Mary held on to the fact that her Mom abandoned her, and try as hard as the parents good, they could not help Mary see that being abandoned did not have to define her.  Her dad said she struggled with reactive attachment disorder.  This is common in children who have been abandoned.  This helps explain the intense feelings I’m sure Mary was experiences related to her boyfriend.  From what I gather, their relationship had become hurtful.  I’m not sure if he broke up with her, or what happened.  It is not really important.  Mary’s dad did say that she had been reduced to that fragile little girl.  I think that is partly why Mary’s death has impacted so many people. So much of her life was full of service, love, fun, and a zest of living life to its fullest.  I think most were unaware of the challenges she had.

I think her boyfriend had texted Mary some pretty unkind words just before Mary took her lie.  Mary’s dad asked the congregation to be inclusionary, not exclusionary.  I’m sure he was referring to Mary when he said: “if a girl is sitting by herself at lunch – go sit by her”, “if she has spent hours getting ready for a dance, please ask her to dance”.  Her dad ended his talk by stating he knows Heavenly Father and His son Jesus love us, and that angels attend us.  He also quoted from Preach My Gospel:  All that is unfair in this live, will be made fair, that Mary’s demons no longer haunt her, and that she is at peace and continues to progress in our Saviors presence.

Well son, I want you to know that the impact of Mary’s life was large.  Aunt Joyce, who did not know Mary, has told Mom that she just breaks into sobs thinking of her.  One of Mary’s sisters said, that the only tragedy will be if we don’t let Mary’s life influence us for good.  That is your task now, to remember her sunshine, and to move forward sharing the plan of happiness with others, so that when they have challenges, they can feel the Holy Ghost comforting them, feel the love of  their Savior, and have confidence in the eternal nature of families sealed through the ordnances in the temple.

You know I will continue to pray for you, as well as the Nelson’s.  I am so proud of you!  You have grown so much.    I know all is well with Mary.  I want to continue keeping a relationship with her family. Our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ love us, and want us to be happy.  Go now and share this news with the people of Puebla.

With all my love, Dad

Letter to Cado About Mary's Viewing

It is ten thirty at night and we just got back from Mary's viewing.  We got there at six oclock and waited in line for three and a half hours.  We were not surprised to see such an outpouring of love to her and her family.  It was amazing.

I took some pictures of how things were as we were going down the halls and through the rooms as we followed the line of people.  You will see the display of pictures at the entrance and then as we walked through the primary room there were flowers everywhere and a "life" video of Mary from babyhood to now.  I think Mary and Heavenly Father had a special hand in the timing of my picture taking.  I went to take a picture of the flowers and as soon as I did, guess whose picture was on the screen?  You and Mary.  I don't think that was a coincidence.  I think it was Mary's way of sending you a message that you were and are a very important part of her life.  It was clear that those pictures they were displaying on the video had been very carefully chosen.  You were in two of them.

When we finally got to the Relief Society room where Mary's family was, we had one of the most special and spiritual experiences we could have even imagined.  The first sister we met was Molly.  As soon as we told her we were Cado's parents, she just started to cry.  Then she said, "he called her Sunshine! He called her Sunshine!! That is exactly what she was."  She cried for you.  She cried because she knew you were hurting.  She was so sincere.  then she had very specific things that she wanted us to tell you.  The first was that they have had a very spiritual confirmation that Mary is o.k.  That she is no longer in pain and that the Savior was there to catch her."

Next was Mary's sister who was from Roosevelt.  I can't remember her name.  Again, as Molly said, "These are Cado's parents" she literally began to sob.  She was so concerned for you.  She wanted to know how you were doing.  Then she also talked about how much you meant to Mary.  She talked about the spiritual preparations that they can "now" see the Lord's hand in as he was preparing them for this event.  She told me that the last few weeks have been filled with things that they now know were preparing them.  She hugged me and cried and again expressed her love for you. 

When we got to Mary's dad, I am sure he was utterly exhausted.  He asked where you were and we said Mexico.  He then said, "Mary sure enjoyed that trip."  At that moment, Mary's mom came over and we told her who we were and then her dad instantly recognized us.  (I think he thought we were Gavin's parents).  Talking to them was amazing.  They had lines and lines of people...and they had already been talking for 3 1/2 hours and they stopped and spoke with us very sincerely and lovingly.  Again, they wanted to know how you were doing with this.  They have been thinking and praying and praying and praying for you.  Can you believe that?  That is amazing.  They thanked us for letting you be such an important part of Mary's life and they thanked us all for loving their sweet Mary. Then we talked about how Mary is already busy fluttering around taking care of people.  I told them that I had said that now you have a Mary angel. They agreed 100 percent that you do!

Mary's mom asked us to tell you that she would like you to come visit when you come home.  She said that they will be able to explain things that will help you understand sweet Mary.  I promised her you would and on the way home I thought, I know they will want to hear what you are writing and learning as you are experiencing this.  Keep writing and save that journal.  You have a special reunion awaiting you.  They love you very much and truly recognize what a "good" influence you had on Mary's life.  That is a gift they will treasure forever.

As we walked out of there I was so filled with love and gratitude and comfort.  Mary is o.k.  Mary is near.  Mary is still Mary and like you said....she is in heaven talking the Savior's ear off. 

I hope this brings you comfort and more affirmation in the Plan of Salvation and God's mercy.  I know we will see Mary again.  I also know that she is very near and I'm pretty certain that Grandma and Grandpa were some of the first people to greet her.  Can't you just imagine how the three of them would get along!  They would be a hoot.  Watch out Heaven!

I love you my sweet boy.

MOM

We Will Miss Mary

		Mary Elizabeth Nielson November 2, 1995 ~ March 7, 2015 Mary Elizabeth Nielson November 2, 1995 ~ March 7, 2015 We lost our precious daughter and sister Mary Elizabeth Nielson, age 19, on Friday, March 7th, 2015. Mary was born November 2nd, 1995 in Hang Zhou, China. She joined our family 17 months later. Her Chinese name was Jiang Dong Guang which interpreted is, Light from the East. Like her Savior, Mary also came from the East and brought love and light to her family and all who truly knew her. Mary described herself in her own words, "I love sun, rainbows, I take crayons to church, I eat my sandwiches without condiments, and I adore school." She also said, "I think beauty comes when we find Christ, because it is only through him that you truly become perfect and godlike. Beauty is the Light of Christ in your eyes and letting that shine through your actions and service. Beauty is discovering that you are a special daughter of God with a unique and divine purpose. God is our maker, he made you, and God never makes mistakes." Mary spent her early years between Vernal, Monticello, and Blanding, Utah. She accompanied her parents on a three year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to the Taiwan, Taipei mission. Mary was an accomplished student, artist, musician and athlete. She was on the National Honors Society. She was a teammate of the 2013 Uintah High School state championship drill team. She enjoyed her time as a manager of the football, basketball, and wrestling teams as well as participating in track and field. She graduated as a co-valedictorian and math sterling scholar from Uintah High School in 2014. At the time of her death, Mary was a student at Brigham Young University-Provo. Most importantly Mary was a good daughter, sister and selfless friend whose light will be greatly missed. Mary is preceded in death by her grandparents, Normal Floyd Nielson and Fay Parrish Wolsey. She is survived by her grandparents Ruth Nielson and Heber G. Wolsey; her parents, Norman S. and Mary W. Nielson; and her brothers and sisters, Adam S. Nielson (Elizabeth Larsen), Benjamin W. Nielson (Gabriella Garza), Catherine Nielson Vance (Wayne Vance), Molly Nielson Haslem (Jay Haslem), and Natalie Nielson Bird (James Bird). Her funeral will be held on March 12th, at 11:00 AM at the Vernal Utah Maeser Stake Center 2745 W. 1000 N. There will be a viewing prior to the funeral from 9:30-10:45 AM. Her viewing will be held on March 11th, at 5:30-8:30 PM at the Ashley Second Ward Chapel 3040 N. Vernal Avenue. Under the direction of Blackburn Vernal Mortuary. www.blackburnvernalmortuary.com

Mariah's First Clogging Competition

Girls Day Out

Carrie took me to Salt Lake for my birthday celebration. We got to eat at a great greek restaurant and get pedicures. It was the greatest day! 

Valentines Surprise

I came home two days before Valentines and found this on the table.  Dave had kind of gotten mixed up on when Valentines Day really was, but it was great to get this surprise early.  The Maurice's girl did an excellent job choosing some really cute clothes once again!