March 12, 2015 – Thursday
Dear Cado,
After the last few days, I have so many thoughts and
feeling going on with me. I’d like to
start this letter revisiting your question you posed to Mom yesterday – the question:
should I get rid of the things Mary sent me.
I’ve thought more about that, and something you could consider is this:
Keep one thing that represents the past, which represents the sunshine that Mary was in your life.
The second thing could be something that represents the present and future, something that represents being and becoming the missionary that Mary knows you are capable of being and becoming.
Another thought I had, and this is related to Mom telling me that tomorrow you are planning to pick as you final day of focusing on the loss of Mary, I’m inviting you to consider writing an email to Mary’s parents, and just telling them what is in your heart. I think that would be good and helpful for you to do, and I think they would really like it as well. I’m not telling you to do this, only inviting you if it feels right to you.
Cado, the viewing last night and the funeral today, were some of the most edifying experiences I have had. I truly do want to be a better person. I am so, so impressed with the Nelson family. They are inspiring to me, and exemplify Christ’s second commandment, to love your fellow man.
I can tell you that the Nelson family is at peace with the state of Mary’s spirit. They believe, as well as I, and as well as your mission president, that Mary’s actions will not damn her. Rather, her life will be judged in the whole context, and with the challenges she had, combined with the power of the sealing ordinances, Mary and the Nelson’s will have exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom, in the presence of Mary’s Heavenly parents, and her elder brother Jesus Christ. I really believe that to be true Cado, so I hope you can be at peace with this as well.
I love her parents. They spoke last at the funeral. I have never seen this before at a church meeting or funeral, the parents got up together and simply spoke from their heart. They had a few points to make, but it was largely unrehearsed. Norman the dad stated that the pain he felt for the first couple days, was so intense that he wondered if he could feel again. He said his sons gave him a priesthood blessing, and slowly other emotions are also being felt. They had about 20-25 missionaries sing the second hymn of “I am a child of God”, in Chinese, and you could see the love these missionaries had for their former mission president. Mary’s Mom, also Mary glowed with sweetness and compassion.
Mary (the Mom) shared this story. They were at General Conference and Mary was
about 5 or so, and in between sessions they were walking by the reflecting
pool. Little Mary asked her Mom if she
could dip her foot in the water. Her Mom
felt impressed to let her, and she said as soon as Mary put her foot in the
water, she started to dance and to roll on the grass, so free and happy and
innocent! I can picture little Mary
doing that.
Going back to the hymn, Mary’s family sang the first verse, the missionaries the second, and the congregation the third. When the missionaries sang, you could feel the love they had for Brother and Sister Nelson, and I thought at the time, how much love you have for your mission president. I will be forever thankful to him, for the guidance, comfort, and priesthood blessing he gave you!
The family members shared insight that helps us
understand Mary. All I ever saw with
Mary was sunshine and rainbows. You may
know this, but Mary had her challenges like all of us, but hers were deep. Her dad said that little Mary held on to the
fact that her Mom abandoned her, and try as hard as the parents good, they
could not help Mary see that being abandoned did not have to define her. Her dad said she struggled with reactive
attachment disorder. This is common in
children who have been abandoned. This
helps explain the intense feelings I’m sure Mary was experiences related to her
boyfriend. From what I gather, their
relationship had become hurtful. I’m not
sure if he broke up with her, or what happened.
It is not really important. Mary’s
dad did say that she had been reduced to that fragile little girl. I think that is partly why Mary’s death has
impacted so many people. So much of her life was full of service, love, fun,
and a zest of living life to its fullest.
I think most were unaware of the challenges she had.
I think her boyfriend had texted Mary some pretty unkind words just before Mary took her lie. Mary’s dad asked the congregation to be inclusionary, not exclusionary. I’m sure he was referring to Mary when he said: “if a girl is sitting by herself at lunch – go sit by her”, “if she has spent hours getting ready for a dance, please ask her to dance”. Her dad ended his talk by stating he knows Heavenly Father and His son Jesus love us, and that angels attend us. He also quoted from Preach My Gospel: All that is unfair in this live, will be made fair, that Mary’s demons no longer haunt her, and that she is at peace and continues to progress in our Saviors presence.
Well son, I want you to know that the impact of Mary’s life was large. Aunt Joyce, who did not know Mary, has told Mom that she just breaks into sobs thinking of her. One of Mary’s sisters said, that the only tragedy will be if we don’t let Mary’s life influence us for good. That is your task now, to remember her sunshine, and to move forward sharing the plan of happiness with others, so that when they have challenges, they can feel the Holy Ghost comforting them, feel the love of their Savior, and have confidence in the eternal nature of families sealed through the ordnances in the temple.
You know I will continue to pray for you, as well as the Nelson’s. I am so proud of you! You have grown so much. I know all is well with Mary. I want to continue keeping a relationship with her family. Our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ love us, and want us to be happy. Go now and share this news with the people of Puebla.
With all my love, Dad
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